Let’s jump in the time travel machine!: The year is 1909. These facts come from the 1905 census data; the average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years. 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub. 8 percent of the homes had a telephone; a three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost $11.00! The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour, average US annual salary $400 per year. Most people took a bath once a week. Many who didn’t have a bathtub use ½ a wooden barrel. Most baths were in cold water. If “Momma” cared greatly for you, she would heat some water on the stove to temper your bath. 95%+ of all births in the U.S. took place at home. The Doctor came to your house in a buggy to deliver children, and care for the ill. These were called “house calls”. Really… stop snickering! Sugar cost four cents a pound, eggs were fourteen cents a dozen, and coffee was fifteen cents a pound. I had to spell out “cents” because today’s computer keyboard has no C with a | through it for cents. 1909 typewriters did though. The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were Pneumonia, Influenza, Tuberculosis, Diarrhea, and Heart Disease. The only one left as a top killer is Heart disease. 95% of American Homes had at least one firearm, but most were used to help feed the family. With only 230 reported murders in the United States that year, home defense came in a very distant second. The Internet was 85 years away from being invented, TV 50 years off, and air travel 35 years off. After the sun set it was pitch dark except for lamps and candles, and most people just went to bed. These were the “good old days” to our grandparents. No wonder they were tough enough to face down the Great Depression, & WW-I!

Disorder in the Court. These actual Courtroom Quotes are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters. The torment of not laughing out loud at these silly questions would have killed me;
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he? (How many years of Law School for THIS?)
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: NO!, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. This wasn’t even Luzerne County!

Sealed with a Kiss. According to a recent news report, a certain private school in Washington State was recently faced with a unique problem. It seemed a number of 12-year-old girls had begun to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. After they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of lipstick kiss prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. It was both frustrating and expensive. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the 6th grade girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. You can just imagine the yawns from the bored little princesses. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required to clean the mirror. He took out his long handled squeegee… dipped it in the toilet… and cleaned the mirror with it…Can you believe since then there hasn’t been one lip prints on the mirror? A teacher is an educator in more ways than just the “new” math. Lord, send us more educators.

License to Drive...Badly! Ireland has canceled its nationwide alert for the nation’s worst driving offender, Mr. Prawo Jazardy. The alert had notified officers that Prawo Jazardy was wanted for hundreds of unpaid traffic citations. In the EU any member’s driver’s license is good for every member’s country. Rather than being a name it seems this Prawo Jazardy, inscribed right on very Polish driver’s license, IS Polish for “Driver’s License”. It would be like the INS putting an alert out for Mr. “Social Security Card”. To add insult to injury, since they didn’t get the actual names, no one will be coming forward soon offering to pay those fines!

It is easy being Green! There are many products available to save your customers some real green. From instant water heaters to 95%+ efficiency boilers and furnaces, to Solar Panels that generate electricity. The Federal Government is offering a tax credit, maximum of $1,500 and up to 30% of all Energy Star approved steps, to each of your customers this year. Are you out trumpeting this?

The monthly chatter box is written by Donald Conyngham

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